Dating can be extremely scary, especially when it is your first date. There are a plethora of rules that self-declared love experts have set up. What not to say on the first date; to what extent to hold up before following up; would it be a terrible idea to mention that restraining order? These can be doubtful measures to explore regardless of the possibility that you don’t have a PhD in dating.
It can be increasingly so if you are dating a person who enjoys being alone from everyone else, the classic introvert archetype. Being an introvert person myself, I can attest that we quiet people often have a higher sensitivity level than others. While we don’t need to be treated with kid gloves, these 10 tips will help you get the most out of your dating situations and to understand our psyche a bit clearer.
1. They are more likely to pick isolation over mingling.
It is important to understand that in dating someone who values only her time, it is highly unlikely that Friday evenings or weekends will be gone without any mixed feelings with you or hang out with buddies at happy hour. A few people may let loose a little toward the end of the week by chatting it up more over with a beer or two, but for those that don’t crave for that kind of social interaction, solitude provides a fulfilling feeling of stress relief.
Introverts do not want to be completely alone, but they need people in different ways. For example, “a study published in the journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, found that extroverts are more likely to associate the rush of a feel-good brain chemical with the environment they are in at the time”.
2. They do enjoy company as well.
Of course, here is the misinterpretation about people who like their own particular company: they do actually enjoy being an outgoing person, but just in little measures. Much like Cinderella at the stroke of midnight, these butterflies need to transform over into a caterpillar after a night of social activity and have some quiet time to themselves.
3. Dating an Introvert can appear to be stand-offish.
Introverts by nature can lean to the side of introversion; they are typically harder to get to know in the beginning. Much to their frustration, this can be interpreted by others as self importance or a feeling of being superior to others. It’s not; it’s only a result of being an introvert. For example, “A research findings on the personality trait of extroversion to a particular set of processes in the nervous system confirms that the effect obtained was a very subtle one, because it turned on the involuntary occurrence of conditioning among some people but not others.”
4. They will open up as you become more familiar dating them.
It’s helpful to consider introverts a moderate blaze as a slow-burn rather than a fast-acting fuse. While they may not amuse you with interesting stories about their lives upon first meeting, but give it time and they will open up. Once they feel comfortable with you, those barriers will come down fast and their actual personality shines forward. “It means their brains are wired up to be more responsive to the rewards in their environment,” said Hirsh, of the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University in Illinois. So if you gave an extrovert and introvert $100, the outgoing individual would feel better from the cash than the other. “They like everything in life more,” Hirsh said, referring to extroverts”.
5. They won’t be the life of the party.
In any situation that your potential mate needs leave a trail of dropped jaws behind him as he enters into a room, dating a man who likes his own company might not be the best fit. You may not notice these people as they arrive at a party, but if you give them time and consideration, your conversation with him might be that particular case that you will remember long after the party is over.
6. Despite that, that doesn’t mean they don’t like to party
While they may not be the ones initiating a group dance-off, they will certainly take part if they feel comfortable. If your date is feeling secure with himself in a situation, you might be surprised as his internal James Brown stirs and he “gets up offa that thing” and embrace his inner move machine on the dance floor.
7. They can be exceptionally sensitive.
By their very nature, people who enjoy their own company and conversation are in general a deep thinker. When they feel something, they tend to feel it with their mind, body and soul. So don’t be angry if they feel slighted at something you say.
However, the most harmless comment can send them spiraling again into themselves and it will be harder for them to get over it so easily. They need time to process, so it is critical to give them some breathing space. For instance, you can read the other side of this article and the Tips for dating an extrovert. You really like your voice to be heard and want to argue for attention or get your point across.
8. But this can make them thoughtful partners during dating.
Yes, you may need to think before you talk when dating somebody on the sensitive side, but it’s important to know that sensitive people are also typically highly amenable to the feeling of others. Thus, they are less inclined to trample all over you in conversation and more likely to actually listen to what you need to say. According to Myers-Briggsm “who confirms that an introvert derives energy from his or her internal world of emotions and ideas, while an extrovert gets revved up from the outside world of people and activities. So what should you consider if you want to date someone who’s more on the introvert side than you are”?
9. They don’t do well with criticism.
Being so tuned into their feelings, criticism can commonly be a very inflammable source of tension. As a result, it’s important to know that these loner types might end up employ certain strategies to avoid any criticism by any means, which can manifest in the form of people-pleasing, being self-critical, or just avoiding the source of the criticism altogether.
10. But they do well with feelings.
Dating somebody who needs only her time means dating somebody who is not afraid to get to know herself on a deeper emotional level. A result of this is a feeling of empathy which regularly shows itself in indicating sympathy to you and any issues you may be experiencing. They are not afraid to take a seat and talk deep with you, figuring out the main cause of the issue. Yes, they are openly available, if not generally physically available and willing to talk anytime.